Always Been You
by xGlowingAngelx
Summary: For John Paul, there was only ever going to be one soulmate. Craig/John Paul. Complete.


**Title: **Always Been You

**Word Count: **2014

**Characters: **JP/Craig

**Rating: **T

**Summary:** For John Paul, there was only ever going to be one soulmate.

**1.**

Can true love really still exist after five years? Had somebody asked John Paul McQueen that yesterday, he might have said no. That it's impossible to still want something after such a length of time. But now he was stood in the doorway of his own home, face to face with the only person he had ever truly loved and he found himself asking that same question once again.

He hadn't changed. Apart from a touch of stubble forming on his chin. But everything else was exactly the same. His dark hair was still styled the same way. His mouth was still as tempting as ever. His chocolate brown as were still as hypnotising as the day they'd first met. But more than anything, the one thing that still remained the same was the way just the sight of him had sent John Paul's pulse racing. Still made his knees turn to jelly. Still made his heart beat faster with every passing second.

He offered him in - or rather, he _tried _to - the combination of nerves, excitement, shock and love in his voice made his words come out all muffled. Not that Craig had noticed. After everything they'd been through, he could pretty much understand everything John Paul had even tried to say.

They hadn't said anything at first. Partly out of fear and nerves, and partly simply because they knew that for as long as they were in the same room; for as long as they were breathing the same air, there was nothing that needed to be said that wasn't been said for them.

-

It was almost like they'd never been apart when John Paul's familiar voice broke the silence and offered Craig one of his cup of teas. He'd barely got the question out before Craig had gladly accepted his offer. It wasn't surprising. If there was one thing that John Paul knew Craig loved about him, it was the way he made a brew. He'd filled the kettle up in silence, trying to steady his hands enough to put water in the kettle and actually settle it back on the stand without causing a spillage.

'Biscuit?' John Paul asked, emerging before Craig with a tub of favourites in. Craig had shook his head, before resisting and helping himself to a custard cream - his favourite. He'd wondered if that had just been a coincidence, or if John Paul had sensed he'd be back. Either way, he tucked into the biscuit all the same, allowing the familiar taste to remind him just how much he'd missed this place. Not that they didn't have biscuits in Dublin, of course, but they never seemed to taste the same as they did back here.

Ten minutes later and John Paul had settled the steaming mug of tea on the coffee table in the middle of the room and seated himself on the sofa beside where Craig had sat. He hadn't sat right next to him. He'd sat close enough to smell him. Close enough to hear him. But far away enough for there to be a heartbreaking silence once again.

-

'The weathers nice for this time of year.' Craig said suddenly, a blush working it's way across his face as he realised how lame he'd sounded. This was the first time he'd seen John Paul in five years and he was talking about the _weather? _

John Paul suppressed a laugh as he noticed Craig's cheeks turning a deeper shade. For a moment, he hadn't even attempted to change he subject, merely because Craig Dean getting embarrassed so easily was one of the many things he loved about Craig Dean. He knew full well the weather was nice for this time of year. A sunny day in England was a nice day for _any _time of year.

'It's funny, isn't it?' John Paul said, his voice almost a whisper. 'We were best friends that told each other everything. We could have spent days together - just the two of us - and we wouldn't have ran out of things to talk about. Then you throw us in a room together after five years and we can't think of two words to say.'

Craig raised the steaming mug of tea to his lips, cursing silently as it burnt his tongue. 'I had it all planned out. What I'd say when I saw you. Yet now that I'm here, it all sounds…….. Ridiculous and fake.'

John Paul let out a defeated sigh. 'I know that feeling. The amount of times I've gone to call you and backed out because I didn't know what to say.'

'You wouldn't have to have said anything, you know? Just knowing you were thinking about me would have been enough.'

He hadn't been lying. Not completely, anyway. Sometimes, he wished Craig would phone him, even if was to yell at him or say nothing at all. Just so that he would have known he was thinking about him - about _them._ But the more time went by, the less likely it seemed. And the more he tried to move on.

'Why didn't you call me?' John Paul asking, throwing Craig's own argument back at him.

'Because I spent the first few weeks in Dublin locked up in the flat, trying to find the words to say. By the time I thought I had, I left it too late. I knew you would want to get on with your own life. Me contacting you would have just brought up all those old mixed emotions. Neither of us needed that.'

'So instead you picked yourself up, dusted yourself off and forgot I existed?'

'Not at all. I kind of wanted to, though. I think it would have made things easier. But it never worked.' he paused, taking another sip f his tea before setting the cup down and reaching into his back pocket, producing his wallet. He flipped it open and flashed the inside in John Paul's direction. For a moment, the world seemed to slow down around them. John Paul relaxed his gaze on the photo staring back at him. It was an old one of them that - judging from Craig's hair and fashion sense - had been taken not long after they'd met.

'You kept that in there the whole time?' John Paul asked, curiously. Craig flashed a weak smile. 'Pathetic, I know. But it was comfort. Whenever I thought of you - the whole relationship and how we left things - I just looked at that photo and remembered what it was like before everything changed. Remembered what a great relationship we'd had, and I don't just mean…. _that -_ I mean the friendship as well. The way we used to laugh about nothing at all. The way we were completely at ease with each other, even when we'd ran out of things to talk about. It reminded me of my best friend and the person I fell in love with.'

He couldn't help but notice how John Paul's eyes seemed to be filling with tears slowly, illuminating the stunning blue. He could have kicked himself right then. 'I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring all that up. That was stupid, I-'

'No!' John Paul stopped him. 'It's not that. It's just…… the way you were talking. It was like you remembered everything so clearly.'

'I do.' Craig replied, a confession to himself just as much. He remembered the way they'd spend all day together, just watching films or playing football. He remembered the way they'd almost lost each other because of one stupid kiss - a kiss he wanted nothing more than to feel all over again. He remembered the jealousy he felt watching John Paul trying to move on. He remembered the way it felt when they first made love. The bitterness afterwards. He remembered trying to move on. He remembered going back for more. He remembered falling in love.

'Anyway,' Craig spoke, changing the subject. 'What about you? You moved on OK?' they both knew what he was really asking; _Have you moved on to anybody else?_

John Paul thought of the others - Jay; he was nothing more than an almost fling. An attraction. Then there'd been Robin. _Babycakes._ John Paul had made sure that had ended before it began. After that there had been…… _him. _He Hadn't spoke of him since the day he'd left. The way he wanted it. They parted with nothing left to say each other. That was the way it had remained since.

'Nobody special' was all he replied. 'You?'

Craig looked around, nervously. Towards the floor, at the TV that was switched off, out of the window. Anywhere, but at John Paul. 'Not' he replied, so quiet John Paul had barely heard it.

'There must have been someone. No special girl on the horizon?' Although neither said anything about it, they both felt a flinch when he'd said _girl. _

'I tried' Craig explained, nervously picking at the arm of the sofa. 'A few times. Sometimes I tried it on with completely random girls in the hope it would lead to something more. Just so that I could know what it felt like to want somebody else. Somebody that wasn't you, you know?'

John Paul bit his bottom lip. _He knew all too well. _'There is somebody else out their for you, you know?' John Paul spoke through salty tears and a tight throat.

'I don't want anybody else.' Craig replied before he had a chance to stop himself. He froze suddenly, willing the ground to swallow him up. He wasn't sure he'd felt it when the sofa dipped beside him and he found his own hand tucked between John Paul's.

'Do you really mean that?' John Paul asked, hoping he hadn't sounded as desperate as he felt. He placed his index finger under Craig's chin and turned his face to his, so their eyes met. 'Craig,' 'Do you really mean that?' he repeated.

His own hands shaking, Craig placed the other hand on John Paul's cheek. 'I don't want to put us through this anymore. I don't want you to be with me because I'm scared that I wont give you what you want.'

'What I want is to be with you. _Forever. But I can't do that behind closed doors. I can't go back to that. It killed me.'_

_Craig looked at him, his own breath catching just by the sight of those eyes. 'I don't want to go back to that either.' he said, certain he was feeling more confident than he sounded. 'I want to walk down the street with you, holding your hand. I want to tell people how much I love you, because I do, John Paul. I want to kiss you in the middle of the street whilst it's pouring down with rain, just so you'd know that. I want to make love to you and then hold you until you fall asleep. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, John Paul McQueen.'_

_John Paul wasn't sure if he'd breathed or blinked during that. He cleared his own throat. 'You - You mean that? W-What?' _

_Craig laughed. He loved that about John Paul. Bringing his palms to John Paul's face, he pressed their lips together. It was the first time in five years he'd felt so sure about anything. 'It might not be easy and I know we still have a long way to go, but I love you with all my heart. I never stopped. I just needed time. And now I've had that and I'm more ready than I've ever felt. Lets make it work.'_

_John Paul wrapped his arms around Craig, the sound of their hearts beating in rhythm. 'I love you, Craig Dean.' he whispered, tears of happiness working their way down his cheeks. Craig pulled away and kissed him again. 'I love you too, John Paul McQueen. It's always been you.' _

_It was the most honest thing he'd ever said. _


End file.
